I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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