I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect