im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
