We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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