I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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