My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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