I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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