If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
