Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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