Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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