Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
