She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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