Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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