Cold hands, warm shart.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
