I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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