Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
