I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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