My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize