Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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