I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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