sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.