ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.