U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Boobs speak an international language.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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