A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
