hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize