Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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