Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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