if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize