Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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