conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.