I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame