I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize