omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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