I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize