I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
