I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
