Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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