I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's like heaven, but drunker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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