There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize