I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
