i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize