apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize