i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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