and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell