my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?