Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?