in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party