You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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