she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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