But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
