I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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