My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
