just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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