I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize