He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize