I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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