dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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